Irrational Motives
by BluKangaru
Summary: An angst-filled DAGR fic from early 2002, four parts total. R&R is always appreciated.
1. Default Chapter

Information:   
  
Firstly, all characters belong to Jhonen.  
  
Secondly... some of ya'll might actually remember this. I wrote it back in the begining of 2002,  
  
and it was lost during the NC-17 ban later that year, taking with it over 50 reviews. It's been   
  
edited a bit for grammer, spelling, and whatnot but is still pretty much the same story.  
  
Thirdly... yep, this was the second DAGR to hit Fanfiction.net way back in the day. If you don't  
  
like this kinda thing, I'd suggest flat-out not reading it. A DAGR pairing is Dib and Gaz, if   
  
that image makes you sick, then this probably isn't for you.  
  
To everyone else, thanks and enjoy!  
  
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"...fueled by the blood that races in times of grotesquely heightened desires...  
  
...you can see the matter and feel the substance...  
  
...but eyes and hands are useless..."   
  
  
  
  
  
The spray of warm water slowed, cooled and came to a stop. The last drops dripped  
  
noisely from the shower head and slapped against wet tile, softly echoing off the walls of the   
  
cramped bathroom. Dib blindly grabbed for a towel off the wall by the sink, and finding one, he   
  
dried his face and pushed away the wet hair. The mirror above the sink was fogged over, the   
  
young man squinted into his blurred reflection, frowned, and used the towel to rub away a patch  
  
of condinsation on the glass. Placing thick-rimmed glasses onto his nose, Dib looked at his  
  
reflection again. The reflection stared back, sad brown eyes watching him just as he watched them.  
  
They were accusing. Staring at him through a clear spot amongst the fog on the mirror. Absently,  
  
he rubbed the soft pastel-colored towel through his hair, still watching himself. Again and again  
  
he visually traced himself, noting how he'd changed over time. Dib was eighteen years old now.  
  
His life came screeching to a halt not more then 6 months ago when his main object of   
  
non-sexual interest left randomly. Not just leaving skool, or the city, or even the country.   
  
Zim had left the planet without warning. It was as simple as that, Dib awoke one morning to   
  
relize that the eerie green house where his enemy resided was gone. Not even an impression had  
  
been left in the wet morning grass. No lawn gnomes. No freakish pink pufferfish. Not even   
  
cracks in the walls of the neighboring houses. Maybe he'd been called back, or maybe he really   
  
had been sick of this planet and its inhabitants. Either way, it didn't matter anymore.   
  
Dib's life was now plagued with the horrid lonliness that it'd felt before the alien's arrival.  
  
Companionship had always been hard to come by, and it never really bothered him up until now.   
  
The only people Dib could turn to were none other then the ones that lived in his house.   
  
The father, though, was never much to talk to. He'd always dismissed the boy's ideas as crazy   
  
and impractical, and his work schedual kept him away from home weeks at a time.   
  
His younger sister, Gaz, was a bit different though. She was just as friend-less as Dib, but   
  
liked it that way. She'd always wanted her personal space. Even now, at the age of sixteen, when   
  
other girls were out dating and testing the limits of their new driver's licenses, Gaz sat at   
  
home and played on her Gameslave 9. Dib was partially thankful for this, even though she wasn't  
  
his real sister, he'd always felt protective of her.Things had happend between them though that   
  
made her shy away from Dib more and more. No longer because he was dorky or annoying, he knew   
  
that she feared him now.  
  
Dib sighed and continued dressing, a fresh wave of guilt washing through him as thoughts   
  
traveled to weeks prior. They'd been home alone, as usual, and the day had yeilded some   
  
particularly strong abuse of multiple sorts. Dib had crept into the house quieter and sadder then  
  
usual. Quiet enough and sad enough to catch Gaz's attention. After Dib'd been in his room for a   
  
while, silently contemplating life's demons while watching the ceiling above him, a knock'd come   
  
on the door. It was a soft knock, shy and timid, almost regretful. He'd muttered something along   
  
the lines of 'come in'. He remembered watching Gaz peer around the slowly opening door and his   
  
own feeling of surprise. It had taken them awhile to set tension and get to talking, but when they  
  
did, it went on for hours. It was the first real conversation they'd held for as long as they'd   
  
been siblings. So many emotions and surpressed heartaches were released in that time, and it felt  
  
as though a bond of trust formed itself during those few hours. It felt strange. It felt right, to  
  
Dib. A happiness long abandoned was found again and he had needed a way to express it. No words   
  
seemed descriptive enough to explain his feeling. Then, the mistake came, and he had acted upon  
  
a whim. A pause had come in their conversation, they were both laying side by side on his floor  
  
admist the clutter, and Dib make his wrong move. It seemed right at the time, of course, for   
  
actions always spoke louder then words. These actions didn't speak though, they screamed. As  
  
soon as the pause came, Dib took his gamble, he'd scooted closer, then rolled just enough to kiss  
  
Gaz full on the mouth. It was gentle, but firm enough to make clear that this was no loving show  
  
of sibling companionship.   
  
Dib winced again, remembering the look in her eyes as the newly formed flesh of their bond  
  
was torn in two. How quickly Gaz had gotten up, looked at him with something between fear and hatred,  
  
and left. She'd gone back to her room to play her game. As always.   
  
Sighing, Dib gathered the rest of his belongings from the bathroom and made his way back to his  
  
own room. Downstairs the television was on, and the raised volume of a Gameslave could be heard   
  
mixed with it.   
  
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	2. 2

Disclaimer: All charecters are owned by Mr. Jhonen Vasquez  
  
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Chapter 2  
  
"...but don't ever lose your clarity."  
  
Amber eyes counted tiny dots on the ceiling as a troubled mind silently grudged against an aching  
  
body. Dib lay sprawled out on the long-worn couch in the downstairs living room, both TV and radio  
  
silenced in his presence. The quietness echoed in Dib's ears as he pondered what'd happend not   
  
more then five minutes ago.  
  
After much toil, Dib had decided to confront his sister on her recent emotions towards him. It   
  
took courage on his part to come down the stairs and bring himself infront of her. She'd   
  
been listening to the TV and playing her Gameslave 9 at the same time, not even raising her head  
  
to aknowledge his presence. He stood silent for moments before his voice came into action.  
  
"G-gaz...we need to talk..." he started slowly, stuttering, fearing the sound of her voice   
  
harshly stopping him. "...about w-what happend the other night...I..."  
  
A sudden pause came from the sound of her game. She looked up at him, daggers of annoyance   
  
showing from her glaring eyes as she slid off the couch and crept to her room. Dib's body slunk   
  
in disapointment, any hopes of a fast fix to the problem were leaving with Gaz's retreating form.  
  
Now he lay with sadness, resting on the couch. Again and again, the words he'd wanted to  
  
say came into his mind. They sounded so strong and sincere in there, but when brought into reality  
  
by his voice, they became weak. Dib rolled over, pressing his face into the texture of one of the   
  
pillows. Her scent was here, making its way to his nose from the soft fabric. Its presence was no   
  
real surprise though, she spent so much time placed upon cushions. It was semi-sweet but not strong,  
  
it relaxed Dib despite the mood that'd been set. Disheartening thoughts of recent slowly dissolved,  
  
his mind wandered into the more comforting ideas of success. Not even the type of success that he   
  
lust for, but the thought of her trusting him again. Just for her to talk to him again, or to meet   
  
with his eyes and lack the look of hatred. Anything of that nature would satisfy Dib, it'd release  
  
him from the guilt that bittered his home-life ever since that day.  
  
Part of him, though, thought differently. Something in the back of Dib's mind didn't just want  
  
her forgivness or friendly comfort. Another more feral part of him wanted her in a sexual way.  
  
The rest of Dib's mind and nature opposed and argued against the desires of that one part. That   
  
part, though, fought harder and stronger then any of the others at times, powered by a vicious   
  
strength birthed before the creation of morals.  
  
Dib wasn't sure which part of his warring mind forced him to raise up from the couch and  
  
to ascend the staircase. He did so in a haze, thoughts blurred as his feet carried him up the   
  
stairs and brought him down the eerily silent hallway to pause infront of his sister's closed door.   
  
The boy listened closely, no sounds came from the room, not even the quiet electronic music of a   
  
Gameslave. Dib's body stood idle as his mind worked out which options and impsulses it felt like   
  
acting on this time. When it finally came to a conclusion, Dib's hand met the cool metal knob on   
  
the door and turned it slowly.  
  
Timidly, soft brown eyes peered into the darkened room of his younger sibling. The room was   
  
fairly organized, it had a pile of paper, pencils and other art supplies in one corner upon a desk.  
  
There was a theme of black and purple throughout it, on the other side of the room sat a small bed   
  
on which Gaz lay. As Dib carefully crept further inwards, he watched her and came to the realization   
  
that she was sleeping. The deactivated Gameslave rested silently beside her form, protected by one of the   
  
hands of its owner. Dib's heart sped up, beating loud in his ears, and he worked to keep lull as he   
  
approached the sleeping form of his half-sibling. Gaz lay with her eyes closed, dark lips parted slightly,   
  
arms and legs lax in a pleasant and undefensive manner.   
  
Dib cautiously took another step forward, kneeling down beside the bed, bringing his face close  
  
to Gaz's. He watched her, a feeling of dejectedness coming over him. He wanted so badly to see her  
  
happy around him again, like that one night. At the same time though, his body and a part of his   
  
mind raged for the actions that'd make her sad and fearful. Hesitantly, Dib slid one of his pale  
  
hands up to the cool sheets of Gaz's bed. From there, they went to her face, carefully pushing aside  
  
strands of fuschia hair that'd fallen over her beautiful features. Tender fingers ran through the   
  
hair as clouded eyes traced the peacefully sleeping soul, petting her as one would pet a newly born  
  
kitten. Dib wanted to do more, he wanted to hug her and bring her close and look into her eyes. He  
  
wanted to hear her voice revealing thoughts to him and expressing her mind. He wanted to kiss her  
  
again.   
  
Something tugged at the back of Dib's mind suddenly, letting his hand drift away from the soft  
  
fibers. Just as voicelessly as he'd entered, he left again, shutting the door behind him.  
  
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	3. 3

Disclaimer: All charecters belong to Mr. Jhonen Vasquez.  
  
Yep, this is the sex chapter. Enjoy.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"...freedom to enjoy what was meant to be enjoyed...  
  
...no longer do I feel isolated..."  
  
Familiar, all too familiar. Like a horrible case of de-ja-vu, Dib found himself slinking silently  
  
up to his room after a long and antagonizing afternoon. He knew that this day wouldn't end like the   
  
other one though, he knew that Gaz wouldn't follow him up to check on him. She wouldn't show up   
  
to comfort him with a loving blanket of friendliness and trust. No, today Dib would face his   
  
frusteration with the world alone.  
  
The opressing weight of failure followed him up the carpeted stairs and into his cluttered domain.  
  
There, it made itself at home, casting a gloomy feel over the area. Not bothering to turn on   
  
the lights, Dib removed his jacket and boots and slunk into the unkept bed. Soft sheets cushioned  
  
his weary body, and deep golden eyes slid shut. Dib pulled a pillow over his face, muffling a sigh   
  
and letting himself relax. The air in the small room felt hot and humid, it smelt stale. He wanted  
  
to get up and start the fan, but Dib's body just wouldn't listen. It was content with its state of  
  
deathlike placidness. His eyes remained closed, ears listening to quiet sounds muffled by the   
  
pillow. He could hear the electronic buzz that was constant throughout the house, the scraping   
  
call of cicadas out in the yard mixed with the chirping of early crickets. The eerie stillness  
  
mixed with the thick heat weighed down heavy on Dib's eyelids. One again, blissful sleep began to  
  
overtake the burdened body.  
  
"Dib...?"   
  
Sienna eyes snapped open at the sound of a soft voice surprisingly familiar. Dib hesitated,   
  
blinking away sleep. Only when his name was repeated again, closer, did he remove the pillow and  
  
peer in question at the source of the voice.   
  
Through the slightly ajar door Gaz peeked in. An unreadable expression was written across her face  
  
as she watched him.   
  
Dib slowly sat himself up, the curiousity not leaving him for a moment, heartbeat increasing.  
  
"Yeah...?"   
  
Gaz took a step forward, deeper into her brother's room. Her head was lowered slightly, Dib's eyes  
  
searched to meet hers. The girl's demeanor held an air of defeat, of submissiveness. When her eyes  
  
met Dib's, a tiny alarm went off in his mind. Gaz held a gaze of someone completly broken, scarred  
  
or surpressed. Dib nervously reconized the look, too. It was the same stare that he met   
  
everytime he'd faced the mirror. Everytime he dared to look at his reflection, to study himself.  
  
Dib knew that Gaz was a strong person, frighteningly strong at times. She shouldn't be like this,  
  
dragging herself into his room like a beaten slave. Somewhere, subconciously, Dib knew that he was  
  
to blame for the shattered soul infront of him.  
  
For a long time the siblings remained fixated on one another. Their soft breathing mixed with the   
  
other evening sounds, outside the world grew darker. After moments that seemed like eternity, Gaz  
  
broke the stare, downcasting her eyes once again, and took a place beside Dib on the bed. Dib's  
  
soft gaze watched her, waiting for possibly an explanation for her sudden appearance.  
  
The heavy silence was carefully pushed aside.  
  
"Dib...there's...there's something we need to do..." Gaz took a breath as though she intended to  
  
continue, but stopped.   
  
Dib's mind searched for meaning behind the words, wanting her to go on.   
  
"Something's wrong with you, Dib...different from the stuff that's always been wrong with you. How  
  
could you do that to me?" She suddenly glared up at him, heated anger mixed with a deep pain as the  
  
true feelings burst forth. "Not only that...but I was awake the other night, when you came into   
  
my room...what do you want exactly, Dib?" The words were spat at him brutally, piercing the boy's  
  
heart with needles.  
  
Dib's couldn't respond, he was trembling, voice caught in his throat. He hadn't relized how badly  
  
she'd been injured by his unthinking, selfish acts. The one person that he'd opened up too, the  
  
one person he loved, was now verbally battering him. He knew what he'd done was wrong...but it'd  
  
felt right. Gaz's voice continued to buzz in Dib's ears, but he quickly became lost in his own   
  
swirling storm of regret. He was on the verge of breaking down, desperatly trying to hold it back.   
  
Even without being able to hear Gaz's words, for they were muffled by the inner tempest, they   
  
still beat against his brain.   
  
"Dib? Hello? Earth to Dib? Listen to me!" Clear, frusterated words rang through the volley. Wet   
  
golden eyes turned and met the dark hardened ones.   
  
"Did you hear what I just said..?" Gaz appeared even more wrathful then before, teeth clenched and  
  
hands locked in fists in her lap, nearly all signs of her submission had been replaced with anger.  
  
Dib now held the defeated look as he slowly shook his head. Gaz suddenly sat up off the bed with   
  
a growl of disgust.   
  
"I'm doing this for you, Dib! I don't know how else to solve this problem..."  
  
Just as the boy opened his mouth to question exactly what she was going to do, a soft pair of lips  
  
roughly met his in a forceful kiss.  
  
Dib literally yelped in surprise, his horridly bruised conscience pushed aside by the confusion.  
  
He barely had a chance to return the kiss before it ended and he found himself pushed back into  
  
a laying position on the soft comforter of his bed. Perplexed honey-colored orbs watched as Gaz   
  
locked Dib's bedroom door and returned to his side. Somewhere in her eyes, Dib knew that he saw   
  
regret. Again they studied each other, Gaz looking down at Dib, her face shadowed and serious.   
  
Dib still held the look of a flustered schoolboy. He knew what was going on, physically he wanted  
  
it, but Dib questioned how this'd benefit their already uneasy relationship. Almost no words were  
  
spoken from that point forward. Without a smile, Gaz crept onto the bed, positioning her body over  
  
his. Their lips met once more, softer this time, yet still lacking the emotional comfort that   
  
should've come naturally with the action. Dib squirmed slightly as he felt Gaz's hands slide   
  
up the front of his shirt, massaging his chest. He wasn't used to being touched, and her hands felt  
  
rough and cold despite the heat of the room. Gaz broke off the kiss and sat herself back a little,  
  
silently encouraging Dib to remove his shirt. Dib nervously complied, pulling the light blue peice  
  
of clothing over his head and tossing it to the floor. He lay there now, pale and bare chested,  
  
watching his sister for the next move. She was clearly incharge, though they equally lacked   
  
experience in the situation at hand. With a shrug, Gaz began sliding up her purple dress,   
  
revealing soft and unscathed flesh that'd been hidden underneath. Soon the dress too joined Dib's  
  
shirt on the floor. Dib felt a whimper form in his throat as he viewed the sight before him. Gaz   
  
sat strattled over his waist, one knee placed on either side of the bed beneath him. She now only  
  
wore plain black panties, a matching bra that covered her decently sized breasts, the skull   
  
necklace and a look of stubborn pride. Dib felt himself grow hot, the pressure of arousal forming,   
  
much to his embarressment. He could'nt believe how much that one peice of clothing had hidden   
  
from his eyes during the years.   
  
Again Gaz came to him, pressing her body against Dib's and renewing their broken kiss. Dib felt   
  
her tongue enter his mouth this time, he savored the bittersweet flavor and began to relax finally.  
  
Her hands were there again, on his chest, slowly moving downward, gently massaging his body as   
  
they went. Dib's own hands slipped along the smooth skin of Gaz's back before venturing to the   
  
front, sliding to her chest and coming to rest on her sensitive swells of flesh. They remained   
  
covered until Dib pressed onward, pushing up the concealing fabric. His fingers continued to work,   
  
unsure digits carefully oppressing the light pink nipples, resulting in a surpsrised gasp from the   
  
occupied lips of Gaz. Dib felt her body shudder against his and then resume its previous movements,  
  
more enthusiastic then moments before. Together, their breathing increased, Dib found the clasp on  
  
the back of his sister's bra, undid it and tossed the item away. Gaz's hands had finished their   
  
persuit downwards and came to rest on the obvious excitement of Dib, concealed under thick black   
  
denim. The moment her hands came to that point, Dib tensed up again. Gaz either didn't notice or   
  
didn't care about Dib's sudden uneasyness, she boldly continued on, unzipping his pants and moving  
  
out of the way just enough to slide them down. Dib could only watch as the bare-chested girl's   
  
touch returned, this time uncovering his hard erection from the UFO-print boxers that it stood   
  
proudly behind. As she firmly took hold of it, Dib's eyes slid shut in an ecstasy that he'd never  
  
before experienced. A powerful feeling overtook his weakened body, an intense sensation of   
  
pleasure and trust. Dib heard himself moan as she worked him over with careful hands and the   
  
occasional lick, rationality and regret was quickly making its way far from his mind. Gaz's grip   
  
was firm, almost rough on him, but it brought such a great feeling. Something else came hidden   
  
with that feeling, an emotion that Dib hadn't wanted to feel prior, but now, it rushed him and   
  
conquered his senses. He began to thrust into her hand, slowly at first, but quickly gaining speed.  
  
Her grasp tightened, forcing him to push harder and stronger each time. Dib's body screamed for   
  
release, wanted to spend itself right then and not hold off any longer. He fought with himself to  
  
hold it in, but the boy knew he couldn't last long. Continuing with his movement, Dib's soft brown  
  
eyes looked pleading towards Gaz. She was carefully watching her own movements, but caught Dib's   
  
gaze. Busy hands slowly came to a stop, slightly moist and sticky from the bit of liquid that'd   
  
dribbled out, too eager to escape. Dib watched as Gaz slid her panties off, leaving her completly  
  
exposed to him. As she crawled up onto the waiting body, Dib felt a pang of guilt. He knew she   
  
didn't really want to do this. But the two bare bodies moved to meet each other despite this,   
  
Gaz lowering herself onto Dib's ready shaft. She moved hesitantly, Dib supressed another groan as   
  
the moisture of virgin skin touched his tip, teasing him. His waist moved upwards instinctivly,   
  
wanting to dig into the hot sanctuary, it pressed harder as Gaz moved to accept it. Soft pink   
  
yielded to pale hardness, allowing violation in trade for pleasure. As she slid down further, Dib  
  
reached up and wrapped his arms around her form, pulling Gaz's body close against his chest. Both   
  
him and her paused for a moment, adjusting to the new feeling. Dib's mind was racing, this is what   
  
he'd wanted for so long. He needed this feeling of acceptance. As he waited inside of her, Dib   
  
realized the importantce of this moment. She hadn't wanted to do this, but through a very rare   
  
act of love, she sacrificed herself for him, trying to help solve a problem that pained him so   
  
much. He began to move again, slowly pumping against the moisture. Dib felt Gaz's ragged breath   
  
against his neck, she positioned herself better, sitting down and moving with him. They moved as   
  
one, two halves of a whole acting together, a bond of flesh and soul alike. So many hard, harsh   
  
memories faded, nothing could ruin this moment. This was the emotion that Dib had yearned for for  
  
years, now it was plentiful, it'd stay forever. Gently, he guided her to the side, rolling over   
  
and putting himself on top. Dib ducked his head, taking the pink nub of Gaz's left breast into   
  
his mouth, suckling and massaging it with his tongue. An excited cry escaped her, and the pair's   
  
rhythm increased pace. He then moved from her left breast to the right one, giving it equal   
  
treatment. She'd made him feel so good, Dib was determined to return the favor. His mouth   
  
remained there for many more seconds before it glided again, this time along her collarbone,   
  
nipping and licking. Then to the base of her neck, ascending upward to her light lips, grazing   
  
the skin with tender bites. They then kissed long and passionate, tongues meeting and departing,   
  
exploring ever crevice of the other's mouth. Dib pressed himself harder into Gaz, feeling a   
  
climax threatening to break forth at any moment. Again he tried to hold it back, but another   
  
sharp cry from Gaz demanded his release. Breath and energy increased equally, mouths leaving one   
  
another only to emit excited cries as the final exchange was made, fluids erupting forth to   
  
mingle in the last heated wave of pleasure. The world became a dizzy mirage of unique sounds and   
  
scents as the most incredible feeling washed over Dib before slowly subsiding. The creaks and  
  
drones of the night slowly crept back into the muggy room, its two occupants still lay with loud,  
  
ragged breathing, minds returning to their normal state, turning again over and over the events   
  
that just taken place. Dib left the tight little sanctuary, his body coating with a thin sheen   
  
of sweat. The greatest feeling ever, and it'd never again leave him. The feeling that everyone   
  
needed to experience atleast once in their lifetime, love. Satisfyed with the evening,   
  
golden-brown eyes slid shut, and Dib curled up close in the dampened sheets to the one person   
  
that could, and had, saved him.   
  
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	4. Alternate Ending

Alright, a quick explanation.  
  
  
  
Upon trying to finish this fanfic, I had some mixed feelings. The original ending was a bit happier,  
  
or more light-hearted atleast. This is the alternate ending... much, much more dark. If rape seriously  
  
bothers you, I wouldn't suggest this chapter. It's about half the same as chapter three, with some  
  
serious differences near the middle and the end.  
  
Everyone still belongs to Jhonen.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"...freedom to enjoy what was meant to be enjoyed...  
  
...no longer do I feel isolated..."  
  
Familiar, all too familiar. Like a horrible case of de-ja-vu, Dib found himself slinking silently  
  
up to his room after a long and antagonizing afternoon. He knew that this day wouldn't end like the   
  
other one though, he knew that Gaz wouldn't follow him up to check on him. She wouldn't show up   
  
to comfort him with a loving blanket of friendliness and trust. No, today Dib would face his   
  
frusteration with the world alone.  
  
The opressing weight of failure followed him up the carpeted stairs and into his cluttered domain.  
  
There, it made itself at home, casting a gloomy feel over the area. Not bothering to turn on   
  
the lights, Dib removed his jacket and boots and slunk into the unkept bed. Soft sheets cushioned  
  
his weary body, and deep golden eyes slid shut. Dib pulled a pillow over his face, muffling a sigh   
  
and letting himself relax. The air in the small room felt hot and humid, it smelt stale. He wanted  
  
to get up and start the fan, but Dib's body just wouldn't listen. It was content with its state of  
  
deathlike placidness. His eyes remained closed, ears listening to quiet sounds muffled by the   
  
pillow. He could hear the electronic buzz that was constant throughout the house, the scraping   
  
call of cicadas out in the yard mixed with the chirping of early crickets. The eerie stillness  
  
mixed with the thick heat weighed down heavy on Dib's eyelids. One again, blissful sleep began to  
  
overtake the burdened body.  
  
"Dib...?"   
  
Sienna eyes snapped open at the sound of a soft voice surprisingly familiar. Dib hesitated,   
  
blinking away sleep. Only when his name was repeated again, closer, did he remove the pillow and  
  
peer in question at the source of the voice.   
  
Through the slightly ajar door Gaz peeked in. An unreadable expression was written across her face  
  
as she watched him.   
  
Dib slowly sat himself up, the curiousity not leaving him for a moment, heartbeat increasing.  
  
"Yeah...?"   
  
Gaz took a step forward, deeper into her brother's room. Her head was lowered slightly, Dib's eyes  
  
searched to meet hers. The girl's demeanor held an air of defeat, of submissiveness. When her eyes  
  
met Dib's, a tiny alarm went off in his mind. Gaz held a gaze of someone completly broken, scarred  
  
or surpressed. Dib nervously reconized the look, too. It was the same stare that he met   
  
everytime he'd faced the mirror. Everytime he dared to look at his reflection, to study himself.  
  
Dib knew that Gaz was a strong person, frighteningly strong at times. She shouldn't be like this,  
  
dragging herself into his room like a beaten slave. Somewhere, subconciously, Dib knew that he was  
  
to blame for the shattered soul infront of him.  
  
For a long time the siblings remained fixated on one another. Their soft breathing mixed with the   
  
other evening sounds, outside the land grew darker. After moments that seemed like eternity, Gaz  
  
broke the stare, downcasting her eyes once again, and took a place beside Dib on the bed. Dib's  
  
soft gaze watched her, waiting for possibly an explanation for her sudden appearance.  
  
The heavy silence was carefully pushed aside.  
  
"Dib...there's...there's something we need to do..." Gaz took a breath as though she intended to  
  
continue, but stopped.   
  
Dib's mind searched for meaning behind the words, wanting her to go on.   
  
"Something's wrong with you, Dib...different from the stuff that's always been wrong with you. How  
  
could you do that to me?" She suddenly glared up at him, heated anger mixed with a deep pain as the  
  
true feelings burst forth. "Not only that...but I was awake the other night, when you came into   
  
my room...what do you want exactly, Dib?" The words were spat at him brutally, piercing the boy's  
  
heart with needles.  
  
Dib's couldn't respond, he was trembling, voice caught in his throat. He hadn't relized how badly  
  
she'd been injured by his unthinking, selfish acts. The one person that he'd opened up too, the  
  
one person he loved, was now verbally battering him. He knew what he'd done was wrong...but it'd  
  
felt right. Gaz's voice continued to buzz in Dib's ears, but he quickly became lost in his own   
  
swirling storm of regret. He was sobbing now, desperatly trying to hold it back. Even without being  
  
able to hear Gaz's words, for they were muffled by the inner tempest, they still beat against his   
  
brain.   
  
"Dib? Hello? Earth to Dib? Listen to me!" Clear, frusterated words rang through the volley. Wet   
  
golden eyes turned and met the dark hardened ones.   
  
"Did you hear what I just said..?" Gaz appeared even more wrathful then before, teeth clenched and  
  
hands locked in fists in her lap, nearly all signs of her submission had been replaced with anger.  
  
Dib now held the defeated look as he slowly shook his head. Gaz suddenly sat up off the bed with   
  
a growl of disgust.   
  
"I'm doing this for you, Dib! I don't know how else to solve this problem..."  
  
Just as the boy opened his mouth to question exactly what she was going to do, a soft pair of lips  
  
roughly met his in a forceful kiss.  
  
Dib literally yelped in surprise, his horridly bruised conscience pushed aside by the confusion.  
  
He barely had a chance to return the kiss before it ended and he found himself pushed back into  
  
a laying position on the soft comforter of his bed. Perplexed honey-colored orbs watched as Gaz   
  
locked Dib's bedroom door and returned to his side. Somewhere in her eyes, Dib knew that he saw   
  
regret. Again they studied each other, Gaz looking down at Dib, her face shadowed and serious.   
  
Dib still held the look of a flustered schoolboy. He knew what was going on, physically he wanted  
  
it, but Dib questioned how this'd benefit their already uneasy relationship. Almost no words were  
  
spoken from that point forward. Without a smile, Gaz crept onto the bed, positioning her body over  
  
his. Their lips met once more, softer this time, yet still lacking the emotional comfort that   
  
should've come naturally with the action. Dib squirmed slightly as he felt Gaz's hands slide   
  
up the front of his shirt, massaging his chest. He wasn't used to being touched, and her hands felt  
  
rough and cold despite the heat of the room. Gaz broke off the kiss and sat herself back a little,  
  
silently encouraging Dib to remove his shirt. Dib nervously complied, pulling the light blue article  
  
of clothing over his head and tossing it to the floor. He lay there now, pale and bare chested,  
  
watching his sister for the next move. She was clearly incharge, though they equally lacked   
  
experience in the situation at hand. With a shrug, Gaz began sliding up her purple dress,   
  
revealing soft and unscathed flesh that'd been hidden underneath. Soon the dress too joined Dib's  
  
shirt on the floor. Dib felt a whimper form in his throat as he viewed the sight before him. Gaz   
  
sat strattled over his waist, one knee placed on either side of the bed beneath him. She now only  
  
wore plain black panties, a matching bra that covered her decently sized breasts, the skull   
  
necklace and a look of stubborn pride. Dib felt himself grow hot, the pressure of arousal forming,   
  
much to his embarressment. He could'nt believe how much that one peice of clothing had hidden   
  
from his eyes during the years.   
  
Again Gaz came to him, pressing her body against Dib's and renewing their broken kiss. Dib felt   
  
her tongue enter his mouth this time, he savored the bittersweet flavor and began to relax finally.  
  
Her hands were there again, on his chest, slowly moving downward, gently massaging his body as   
  
they went. Dib's own hands slipped along the smooth skin of Gaz's back before venturing to the   
  
front, sliding to her chest and coming to rest on her sensitive swells of flesh. They remained   
  
covered until Dib pressed onward, pushing up the concealing fabric. His fingers continued to work,   
  
unsure digits carefully oppressing the light pink nipples, resulting in a surpsrised gasp from the   
  
occupied lips of Gaz. Dib felt her body shudder against his and then resume its previous movements,  
  
more enthusiastic then moments before. Together, their breathing increased, Dib found the clasp on  
  
the back of his sister's bra, undid it and tossed the item away. Gaz's hands had finished their   
  
persuit downwards and came to rest on the obvious excitement of Dib, concealed under thick black   
  
denim. The moment her hands came to that point, Dib tensed up again. Gaz either didn't notice or   
  
didn't care about Dib's sudden uneasyness, she boldly continued on, unzipping his pants and moving  
  
out of the way just enough to slide them down. Dib could only watch as the bare-chested girl's   
  
touch returned, this time uncovering his hard erection from the UFO-print boxers that it stood   
  
proudly behind. As she firmly took hold of it, Dib's eyes slid shut in an ecstasy that he'd never  
  
before experienced. A powerful feeling overtook his weakened body, an intense sensation of   
  
pleasure and trust. Dib heard himself moan as she worked him over with careful hands and the   
  
occasional lick, rationality and regret was quickly making its way far from his mind. Gaz's grip   
  
was firm, almost rough on him, but it brought such a great feeling. Something else came hidden   
  
with that feeling, an emotion that Dib hadn't wanted to feel prior, but now, it rushed him and   
  
conquered his senses.  
  
A hand quickly reached down to stop his sibling from her task.  
  
She looked up at him in mild confusion, Dib watched her for a moment, then came forward, pinning her  
  
back-down to the bed. He was on top now, this is what Dib wanted. The weakening resistance in his  
  
mind had finally snapped, no longer would he hold back from the true emotions that he wanted to   
  
show her. The new feeling swam through his veins, pumping something into him that should've been  
  
long silenced by the programmed morals of humanity.  
  
As the feelings burst forth, he held her down, unconcious of her sudden fear and struggles. He   
  
kissed her neck, her forehead, her cheek, all as fast and as hard as he could, pressing lips into  
  
every patch of sweet skin that showed itself. Dib wanted to prove this to her. She'd come to him, she made him feel good, he was determined to return the   
  
favor ten-fold. The feral, instinctive part of him fueled this, screaming that harder was better.  
  
The human emotion of love and acceptance swirling dangerously with the primitive need to reproduce.  
  
The boy was oblivious to his physical actions, only knowing want and need. Helplessly driven by   
  
a once-satisfyed craving for acceptance.   
  
He'd torn the last of her clothing off, only taking a moments time to let his eye roam across the  
  
well-formed and pale skinned body. He never looked at her face. Dib lept to her again, seperating  
  
her legs with his own, positioning his waist at a desirable angle and now threatened to enter.   
  
Through vision clouded by lust, he couldn't see her pain. His thick organ waited outside for a   
  
moment, gracing its head against her entrance. Just the touch of moisture threw Dib's mind off   
  
even further as he forced himself inward, violating soft virgin flesh in one hard, swift motion.   
  
It was tight, it drove him on, it dared him to try and continue. Dib's ears heard nothing of the   
  
painful cries eminating from his beautiful partner as he ravaged her, forcing the now spoiled   
  
sweetness to yield. Somewhere inside, Dib was making connections. The power he was showing her   
  
now, the power that he brought inside her, they'd prove to her the power of his love. This   
  
thought, that she'd be so happy once she relized what he wanted to show her, made him smile.   
  
He continued to drive on, racing towards climax, the wetness holding him inwards, inviting  
  
him to stay. Happiness. True, unscathed, happiness. Here it was. His hands raced themselves across  
  
her chest and face again, touching, feeling and absorbing part of her. They needed each other, two  
  
parts of the same whole, true sibling or not. The roving hands returned to holding her legs apart  
  
as his hips bucked hard against the bed and her opening. As if a veil came off of golden eyes and   
  
cotton left his ears, Dib's awarness again returned to him just as he released himself into Gaz. A  
  
sharp cry emitted from his throat as he put everything into that last thrust, hot liquid meeting  
  
hot liquid, a final bonding of the flesh. Time stopped, life slowed itself to hold this moment  
  
in its memory. All too slowly, the sounds of the night crept discreetly back into the bedroom,   
  
mixing once again with the muggy air.   
  
Eyes still closed, the world became normal again. Dib's heart was racing, mind trying to slow   
  
with his breathing, euphorical relaxation washing over him, his body overjoyed with its release,   
  
thankful to get rid of the mind-altering chemicals. The contentedness was cut horribly short. A   
  
nerve-shattering sob cut through the nighttime heat. Dib's gut twisted painfully inside, a   
  
feeling of nausia enveloped the now trembling body. The sobs continued, uncontrolled. It was an   
  
out of body experience, he could see himself there, watching his sister on the bed, wailing. She  
  
cried in a way that he hadn't seen her cry since she was an infant. He stepped back, her voice   
  
continued, cracking with the pains, physical and mental, of yet another betrayl. He'd destroyed   
  
her. He knew it. This wasn't love. Gaz's legs pulled themselves up to her chest as she pulled   
  
herself into a fetal position on the bed, wrapped tightly in wet, stained sheets. The cries   
  
wracked her unstable frame, arms close to her chest, shaking as her body fought with the shock   
  
and abuse it just endured. The realization of his actions overwhelmed Dib, it hit him full force,  
  
more powerful then any of the obsessive emotions that'd stormed his body just moments before.   
  
He'd destroyed her. The one person that he could ever come close to. The one person that ever   
  
loved him. She lay a mental ruin on his bed now. A victim of selfish desires. His selfish desires.  
  
The screaming voice echoed harshly in his head, grating the bones of his skull, driving him out of the room in a twisted,   
  
helpless panic. The thoughts, images, smells and tastes of moments before bombarded his  
  
cracking senses. He ran until the air seared his lungs and the tears of self-hatred drowned his   
  
eyes in their vengance. He ran until he found dark. Darker then the night air outside his bedroom  
  
window, darker than the space behind your eyelids when they're closed in an uncomfortable sleep.   
  
Darker than any closet that a child's imaginary monster lives in, darker than a cavernous void,   
  
threatening to swallow up one's last grasp on sanity. Dib found himself staring in the mirror. 


End file.
